Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
