Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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