During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
