I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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