He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
