I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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