I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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