He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
