im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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