I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
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The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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