I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
