I got chris browned last night
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
