Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
