Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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