Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
