I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
