im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
