its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
