Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
