Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
