Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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