He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
porn star boner night. come get it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
