I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
