happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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