I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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