bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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