When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
