It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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