I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
this must be what syphilis tastes like
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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