Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
