i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
