Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
