when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
