$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
