Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I am one with the molecules
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
