all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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