He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
