Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
