i don't plan on having that self control this summer
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize