Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
