I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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