Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
