Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I touched a dick in church today
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
