i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My life is pants optional.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
