Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
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I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
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I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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