my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
