i would punch a child for taco bell
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
