Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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