so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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