Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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