Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
