She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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