he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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