I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
