we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
