You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
