My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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