That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
