Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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