Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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