you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
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