drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
