watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
operation have a gay friend backfired
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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