i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just threw up on my dentist
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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