Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
this just has baby written all over it
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize