Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
then he tried to convert me to islam
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Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
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He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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