I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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