Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
