Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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