Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
