I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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