24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
