help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
