We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
