Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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