We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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