Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
