I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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