i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
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I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
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I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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